We asked, you (a few) answered. Chipotle's appearance in Trenholm Plaza prompted this poll. The point of the poll, as its overtly critical title suggested, was to ask whether Columbia really needed another chain "Fresh-Mex" restaurant serving massive burritos. Based on the votes we received, apparently the Fresh-Mex restaurants we already had were pretty boo. Only three people jumped in to support Moe's; only two of you voted for Qdoba; and Salsarita, well, its just the dorky kid at the party, leaning against the wall and sippin' a Capri Sun, and just hoping that someday somebody will like him. Chipotle wins by a landslide.
The Publican, Rabbit and I gave Chipotle a shot a couple of weeks ago. Its not bad. The burrito is not really my thing, but I can see why you all liked it best. My play there is the barbacoa tacos; Rabbit, as you may imagine, he likes the salad. Hey, welcome to the neighborhood, Chipotle, Columbia is glad to have you.
I have been avoiding Longhorn for seven years. For me, even the name conjures up childhood images of family dinners at Western Sizzlin'. While there is nothing wrong with hitting up the Sizzler if you are so inclined, it is no place to go if you are craving food from a good chophouse. I believe the same is true for Longhorn.
Quality meat and proper cooking is everything with a steak. I held the preconceived notion that Longhorn would fall short in both categories, so I steered clear of the steak on our trip so that Longhorn would not have to overcome my prejudice. Tex, however, stayed true to his name and ordered a sirloin steak for lunch. I was glad someone else was willing to man up. Tex's report: "it ain't too bad for a 10-dollar steak." Tex is a living tribute to Waco. His face glowed with glee when he saw the saddles, mounted cow heads, and leather chaps.
The Dude and The Publican both ordered the Seven Pepper Sirloin Salad. The Dude was underwhelmed, but not dissatisfied. The Publican liked his salad, but he is convinced it is the best thing on the menu.
If only I could say the same for my pork chop. It looked alright when it hit the table; the chop had some sear on it, and it was coated in a sweet glaze. The trouble began when I tried to actually bite it. My jaw is still sore from the workout. The Queen of Frozen Cuisine asked me how it was after a couple of bites, and my answer involved a cobbler, shoe-making, etc. - you get the point, it was way too tough to enjoy. I tried covering it with the side helping of apples, but that didn't really help much.
Rabbit ordered the Salmon Caesar salad. The salmon looked overcooked for my taste. He said that it was "about on par with a normal lunch salad in Columbia, for about five bucks or more." Hmmmm, notice a trend going here?
Let's face it. Longhorn is, as The Publican likes to say, A BASTION OF MEDIOCRITY. It is not a terrible place to go take a client for lunch - if you are not very worried about impressing that client. Rabbit does not think that Longhorn should make the Boo List, and he is probably right. Our server was absolutely excellent at her job, and the warm bread that was brought out at the beginning of the meal is a nice touch for the lunch scene. Just don't go into Longhorn with high expectations, and don't order the pork chop.
- Tank
Over the past several years, advances in technology and the accessibility of media have led to a remarkable democratization of information for today’s consumer. It comes as no surprise then that a similar revolution is taking place in the food services industry. I’m talking, of course, about Which Wich.
Which Wich serves all sorts of different sandwiches (or “wiches”) for standard Columbia prices, along with chips and cookies. However, what makes this place noteworthy is that the customer designs their sandwich completely. You walk in, grab a pen, and fill out a menu card with what you want on your “wich," picking everything from the bread to the meat to the condiments to the sauce(s).
Basically, what Subway started, Which Wich has Emirel-ed up another notch. This is a sandwich shop, through and through, but at Which Wich you are the chef. Sounds simple, right? Well my friends, it can get pretty hairy if you’re not careful. Can we really be trusted with this much say in what goes on our sandwiches? Were restaurants not designed to take some of this power out of our Prometheus-like grasp and place it in the more responsible hands of our local entrepreneurs? For example, if given the option of ranch or 1000 island on my sandwich, what – besides my own willpower, which is sort of like having a blind man with a cane show up to a whoop-ass contest – is to stop me from drowning my entrée in both? When given this much latitude, would I use it for good, or end up destroying myself? Today, Knasty and I went to find out.
We showed up well after 1pm, thus avoiding the lunch crowd that normally fills the place to the brim (Note – given WW’s proximity to campus, this may have been a chronological error in judgment, as our “scenery” was noticeably depleted and Knasty lamented on the considerable lack of co-ed talent for his viewing pleasure). There was no line, so I casually looked over my options on the menu cards. Turkey, roast beef, chicken, or all of the above? Peanut Butter and Banana (known as “The Elvis”)? Powdered Sugar and Ham (known as the “Monte Christo”)? It was like a sensory overload – I couldn’t make a decision. Finally, out of desperation to have the whole thing be done with, I opted for their black bean patty.
Really? Black Bean Patty? That’s what I chose? This is the crap I’m talking about – I had so much to pick from, I spent so much time weighing my options, that I experienced classic paralysis by analysis and ended up choosing something that I would never in my right mind select. Luckily, the Black bean patty basically tastes like a whopper jr. patty from burger king, so everything turned out okay. However, I am a little scared to think what I’ll come up with next time.
In all seriousness, WW makes a really solid meal. The portions are perfect (7 inch sub rolls in white or wheat) and the staff does a great job of stuffing what is often an absurd amount of toppings into a tightly packed sandwich. Then, they use these special toaster ovens to get it to you warm and crispy. I have tried several variations of meats and veggies and have always been pleased. In fact, Tank claims (though I don’t believe it) to have tried over 40 different sandwiches in the short time that this place has been open. However, if anyone can back up to such a bold statement, its him.
Here is an insider's tip for the next time you go – opt for the homemade chips. While they have all the usual chip suspects (baked lays, regular, Doritos, etc.) WW also offers homemade “Wich Chips” that are lightly seasoned with black pepper. They are thicker than normal potato chips, feature ridges, and are easily the best offered in town. A perfect compliment to any sandwich.
Really there are just two criticisms, and they are minor. First, the place looks like the inside of an apple computer. If you’ve never been there, this probably makes no sense, but if you have then you know exactly what I’m talking about. Second, it is no more than 55 degrees inside this place at any given time. This is a welcome characteristic to some lunchmen like Tank, who I may rename the Polar Bear, but for normal warm blooded patrons like Rabbit, its borderline unbearable. Had there been seating available outside, I’d have taken advantage in a heartbeat.
All in all, this is a really sound choice and welcome addition to the South Main area. If you get a wich, chips and a drink you’re looking at about 8 bucks total, which compares favorably to most places in town. And, if you go at the right time, there’s plenty to see while you eat.
-Rabbit
Its spring time in Columbia, which means the Lunchmen are naturally taking longer, leisurely lunches again to enjoy the sunshine before our mid-days return to those sweltering, "famously hot" times when good air conditioning becomes the only requirement for a successful lunch. On days like these, why not go sit across from the Horseshoe and enjoy some Mexican fare? Not being able to come up with a good reason, we did just that.
Tio's moved from its location Main Street a couple of years ago to a much larger, appealing location around the block. The Sumter Street location has a bar, ample seating, and a lot of window space. The bar seems to be rocking some very decent happy hour prices - something we will investigate further come softball season. They've also got a dedicated parking lot guarded by a man in a chair who will only let down the rope he is holding if you are going to Tio's. Don't trifle with this man.
Rabbit, The Publican and I grabbed a table in the front of the restaurant to enjoy being on campus - it lets Rabbit and The Publican bask in the memories of their glory days. Lunch service at Tio's is notoriously slow, and today was no exception. We had multiple waitresses trying, rather unsuccessfully, to figure out our order and bring it to the table. In another setting, this might have bothered me, but not today. With the festive colors, fiesta decor, and sunlight spilling into the restaurant, I was able to slip into island time for a little while, decompress, and chuckle at the bumps in Tio's execution.
The food at Tio's is not going to blow you away, so don't go expecting to be wowed. After all, their website advertises the "best margarita in town," not the best Mexican food. However, there are some things about Tio's that have helped the restaurant develop a cult following. First, they have some pretty delicious salsa, and they offer a wide array of hot sauces for those of you that are inclined to be bold, or even reckless, with the heat. Second, the Mexican Pizza is a classic college hang-over tool. Third, and perhaps most significant, is the Wet Burrito. The name might not be too appetizing and it is not the prettiest of foods (see pic), but it is a tasty, filling creation that I have religiously ordered on every trip to Tio's since 2005. Try it out with some hot sauce and be prepare to write off the afternoon.
Tio's is not a bad lunch call if you are around campus and can't find parking for some of the other venues. If you go in expecting decent, standard Mexican fare at a relaxed pace, you won't be disappointed.
- Tank
Make no mistake, the Lunchmen are Columbians, through and through. We exhibit an almost unhealthy amount of pride in residing in the Capital City, and will defend any assault on our home turf vehemently and without limitation. However, that is not to say that the Lunchmen never leave the Midlands, or that they don’t enjoy a good road trip. On the contrary, the very reason we are so confident in our love of Columbia and all its culinary delights is that we have traversed this great nation and find no city in comparable size and make-up that can offer the stomach what Columbia can. But, every now and then, when out on the road, a restaurant strikes such a chord with our taste buds that we are duty bound, regional allegiances be damned, to blog about it. No matter where you are, when the food is good enough, attention must be paid. Such is the case with the Blue Ridge Brewery in Greenville, SC.
If you are from Greenville, then (1) you are probably reading this on a Macbook Pro, (2) you are already knowledgeable about Blue Ridge Brewery, (3) you think you know of three or four “totally better” places in Greenville that we should have reviewed, (4) and you probably mistakenly think that this article serves as some sort of validation that your town is in any way superior to Columbia. Let me disabuse you of that notion on the front end: it is not. You can give your main street a thousand more face-lifts and pour in as many wannabe hipsters and artisans as you want, nothing in the upstate can match the dilapidated charm sprinkled with Government and Military Architecture that is Columbia, SC. You may have more money, less crime, better roads and superior schools, but you also have Bob Jones University, Traveler’s Rest, and the worst Interstate in the country in I-85. There is just no comparison.
Now that we have settled that debate, onto the meal. Work obligations took Rabbit to Greenville last Friday, and I jumped at the opportunity to catch up with dear friend (and Columbia Native) “Cap’n Charley” who now resides there. We met for lunch at the Blue Ridge Brewery on Main Street on a glorious Spring afternoon. It was a Friday, and the weather was perfect, so of course I had to order an appetizer: the Pale Ale. Blue Ridge features four beers that they brew on site seasonally. In addition to the Pale Ale, they also offer a Blond, an ESB, a Stout and Barley Wine. My Beer was cold and refreshing, and set the tone for the rest of the relaxed meal. Unfortunately, Cap’n Charley didn’t partake in the drinking, stating that “this is the heart of the bible belt, I don’t think you can drink at lunch and go back to work.” What a crappy town.
I don’t know what they put in the beer at Blue Ridge, but whatever it is it makes you crave their menu. A quick perusal revealed your standard bar fare, but an in-depth reading reveals the care and detail that Blue Ridge puts into their food. They use only fresh and local ingredients when they can, and even make their own ketchup and mustard. I opted for the Cuban, which was Moist and tender Pulled Roast Pork and Ham with Swiss, Mustard, Onion, and Pickles on toasted Cuban Bread. Absolutely stunning. Cap’n Charley went with the Gyro, a Warm, Soft Pita Bread Wrapped Around Fresh Sliced Chicago Style Gyro with onions, olives, feta, lettuce, tomato and homemade Tzatziki Sauce. There were no leftovers.
Other interesting items to try are The “Steak Bomb” - Onions, Provolone, Mayo, Bell Peppers, Mushrooms and Sweet Cherry Peppers on a N.Y. Hoagie Roll; and a Pimento Cheese Dip Appetizer - Applewood Smoked English Cheddar and fresh Roasted Peppers with Jalapenos served with grilled Flat Bread. At night, the menu is punched up several notches, and includes Brick oven Chicago style pizza that is apparently unrivaled in the area. The only bad thing about this place is the fries that come with your sandwiches. They aren’t terrible, but I was expecting thick cut, homemade steak fries given the rest of the Blue Ridge Experience. These seemed more like frozen, pre-cut fries I could get at the Grocery Store. A small disappointment, but one worth noting.
Overall, the beer was cold, the service fast, the food tasty, and the company delightful. The next time work or pleasure takes me to the Upstate, I’ll undoubtedly make a trip back to Blue Ridge Brewery, hopefully on an occasion when I can try all the beers and not just one.
-Rabbit
The Lunchmen blog Has been a steadily growing grass roots campaign dedicated to all things delicious for almost nine months. Despite a brief hiatus in December and January during which Rabbit got married to Mrs. Rabbit and Tank managed to break all previously held billable hours records, the site continues to grow and gain new followers everyday. We are always pleased when people ask about the blog or tell us that they’ve enjoyed reading them. You keep reading, and we’ll keep writing.
A few Fridays ago, I received perhaps the greatest validation of our growth to date when I met the Publican for a lunch at the venerable Groucho’s Five Points. What originally was planned as a quick call for a Friday with just me and the Publican turned into something much greater when we noticed Publican’s old roommate “The Marlboro Man” at a table by himself gawking at the undergraduate waitresses. We decided to join him and were delighted to learn two other friends would be coming over from another law firm (Tank’s previous employer, coincidentally) that has its own reputation for bold lunch calls. Soon our table was filled out with friends “Eazy-E” and “The Irish Pub.” Eazy-E is another young attorney that was fraternity brothers with Rabbit, the Publican and the Marlboro Man. The Irish Pub is a little bit older, but when he’s not selling his colleagues out to the guys at Granger Owings he is usually up for a good meal or solid happy hour on his way home way out in the country behind the VA.
We all settled in and ordered when the Irish Pub suddenly looked over and said “I love your blog.” I have to be honest, I was so shocked that at first I thought he was talking to someone else. I couldn’t believe that our little site had woven its way through the Capital City legal community to find new fans. (Special thanks to Lunchmen veteran Pizza-the-Hut for spreading the word). To show our appreciation, we promised to include our new fans in this entry.
By now you are probably saying to yourself: “Self, when are they going to actually review the restaurant and talk about the food?” Good point. On to the meal. Usually, it all starts with some of the sweetest tea in Columbia served on top of that truly baller pellet style ice. Honestly, I cannot think of a reason that every restaurant in the universe doesn’t use this ice. Why wouldn’t you? It can’t be that expensive, and it immediately earns you street cred with serious diners. In fact, its one of my favorite things about Groucho’s.
Just about everyone knows what they are going to get to eat at Groucho’s before they sit down. Patrons choose their favorite sandwich (or “dipper” as they are officially known) early in their career and exhibit an amount of loyalty to that selection rivaled only by Sam in the "Lord of the Rings” Trilogy. There being five of us, we had enough people ordering a few different things to get a real sense of the menu. Popular items include the Apollo – Turkey, Ham, Bacon and Swiss on a warm hoagie and the STP – an Apollo with Roast Beef instead of Ham. Classic variations are to order one of these “all turkey” or “all ham,” etc. (Insiders Tip – it’s a good idea to request the bacon bits to be placed UNDER the cheese, not on top, so they do not fall off when you pick up your sandwich). The sandwiches are all sizeable and come out piping hot. However, everyone knows that they are really just the supporting cast for the true star of Groucho’s show: Formula 45 Sauce.
For decades, Formula 45 has been a leading culprit of the dreaded “Freshman 15” that plagues gamecock ladies every fall semester. The stuff is like liquid heroine. Hell, I’d probably brush my teeth with it if I could. No one knows what’s in the sauce exactly, but its akin to 1000 Island but about 50 times as delicious (and fattening). I have seen grown men scoop out the last little bit with their finger long after their chips and sandwich had been consumed. They even sell the stuff by the bottle so you can take it home and continue to gain weight.
This group was no different, and we were soon licking our plates clean. If you can get a table, Groucho’s can be a really quick lunch. They’ve been open for such a long time that the place basically runs itself. Combine that with the fervor and speed with which you will attack your meal and you have the makings for a perfect Friday lunch when you want to go bold, but maybe don’t have the time to commit to a longer choice.
Back in our younger days as undergrads, the Publican and I would wake up some (read: all) mornings (read: afternoons) feeling a bit delicate (read: hung-over). After canceling class for the second or third time that week, we’d invariably drag ourselves out of bed and wander over to the then burgeoning Greek Village to our beloved frat-cave. Why? Why else? Free food. Back in the glorious first half of the last decade, the KA house at USC was lucky to serve as the platform upon which Culinary Magician and self-proclaimed hockey fanatic Mike Smith (known commonly as “Chef Mike”) would work his dietary magic – transforming somewhat humble ingredients into meals that college men would devour in a quick minute and return asking for more.
The Publican and I have long since graduated, and so to has Chef Mike, so to speak. He can now be found preparing fresh wraps, sandwiches and salads at one of the staples of Vista dining: Garden Bistro. Having lived off Chef Mike’s food for multiple semesters, we went to this popular lunch locale with high expectations. Thankfully we were not disappointed.
Located on Park Street behind the Art Bar (which even if you’ve been to you probably won’t admit it), Garden Bistro is tucked away in a space that seems more fitting for an art gallery. In fact, there is plenty of art on the walls to enjoy while you dine. However, the best thing about the Bistro’s location is the large parking lot located on site. Usually trips to the Vista involve Tank making U-turns into spaces that would make Mario Andretti squeamish, followed by knock-down arguments over whose turn it is to pay the meter. Not so at the Bistro, where Kali was able to easily park his luxury sedan within spitting distance of the front door. We walked right in, ordered, and waited for Chef Mike to do his thing.
Overall, everyone was pleased, both with the price and quality of the fare. Tank, feeling the last bite of winter on the way in, opted for a smashed three cheese sandwich and cup of chicken tortilla soup. The perfect comfort meal on a chilly day. Kali went with the “Athena” which is a Greek style sandwich wrap, along with a cup of New England Clam Chowder. Sufficed to say, there were no leftovers. Feeling homesick, the Publican ordered the “Upstate,” which he was pleased but not overwhelmed with. Of particular note was his side choice not seen anywhere else in the Lunchmen universe: the bagel chips. The only thing the Publican guarded more closely than these delicious slices was the homemade heath-bar cookie he ordered as an appetizer. I would tell you how good it was, but I never got a bite offered to me.
Feeling particularly bold for a Thursday, I eschewed my normal salad choice on the menu and went with the Garden Bounty wrap. While this may sound somewhat weak, let me assure you that it was a hefty entrée, and I didn’t miss the meat. My side choice was, of course, the garden salad, which was also topped with bagel chips. The most notable aspect of our lunch today was that this was a co-ed trip, as the Queen of Frozen Cuisine forsake her waiting microwave meal in the break-room to accompany the Lunchmen (or Lunchpeople, I should say). The best thing about her meal would undoubtedly be the Greek pasta salad (ordered at my suggestion) which is among the best, and underrated, in town.
Overall, Garden Bistro is a great dining option in the Vista. It’s not going to knock your socks off or put you into a food coma, but it consistently provides solid choices in a relaxed atmosphere. To be honest, we should probably go there more often than we do, but for whatever reason it gets lost in the shuffle. Of course, with so many other places for the lunchmen to review in the Capital city, one wonders how we make repeat trips anywhere! Stay tuned, more reviews to come…
-Rabbit
