COLUMBIA'S LUNCH REVIEW

If you have lived in Columbia or the surrounding area for any period of time, surely you have made your way to one of six restaurants that constitute Michelle Wang's local Asian cuisine empire. Miyo's is on campus, is in Irmo and the Northeast, and is arriving in Lexington. M-Vista is, well, right where the name suggests. Then there is the M-Cafe. The Lunchmen do not know if the M-Cafe has broken away from the empire or not - it is not featured on the website any longer - but even if it has, the food has not faltered.

Since it is summer, it is that special time of year when the Lunchmen get to have..."interns" of sorts. These "interns" are wonderful for many reasons, including 1) they are basically culinary guinea pigs, 2) they make an excellent excuse for long lunches, and 3) they are forced participants in eating challenges. Next week, we are going to have them go two-versus-two, Jules Winnfield and Pig-Pen versus Hot Pockets and Cupcake, on a taco eating challenge at Casa Linda that is sure to provide us with hours of laughs and entertainment.

For their first day on the job, we took the "interns" out to M-Cafe. We are always warmly received there, as the Dude basically covers the restaurant's monthly rent through his dedicated consumption of their healthy Asian fare. We had about twenty-four in attendance, so I will not bore you with the breakdown of who ate what. Instead, here are some of the highlights from my table.

The Highlander, left without an option containing mutton or haggis, went for some dish with tofu, the proper name escapes me. I'm not wild about tofu, but she seemed to dig it. If you happen to have a hankerin' for some tofu, M-Cafe is certainly generous with the portions it doles out. M-Cafe has plenty of options for the approximately 27 vegetarians and vegans that live in Columbia.


The Pewter Pirate ordered a more customary dish - Sesame Chicken with brown rice (shown up top). M-Cafe sets itself apart from many of the fast-food Chinese places in town with its preparation of familiar dishes. This Sesame Chicken, one of my go-to orders, is quite good.

I went outside of my normal order - sushi with a side of garlic green beans - and opted for the flank steak special. I still got my green beans, which might be my favorite single item on the menu. As you might expect, the flank steak is overcooked, but somehow I still liked it. Probably the gratuitous seasoning won me over, but whatever, I was still happy.


As a final note, I am going to make an admittedly controversial claim and say that the M-Cafe has my favorite sushi rolls in Columbia. No one at my table ordered sushi on this trip, but that is uncommon for the Lunchmen. Given the variety of menu options, the Lunchmen believe that the M-Cafe is the best option for Chinese, Szechuan, or sushi in Uptown Columbia.

- Tank

The Lunchmen have always been huge fans of the Free Times, and particularly the contributions that writer Eva Moore makes for our local food scene by supplying us all with delicious insight. We also appreciate Tug Baker's musings on all things boozing...their articles are why we always feature a link to the Free Times dining section on the blog (see above). The Lunchmen are all smiles that she gave a shout out to our blog in this week's edition of the paper. Check it out, along with all the other knowledge of dining and drinking, by clicking here.

The Sly Fox is a relatively new destination in the Vista, appropriately located directly next to The Wild Hare. The Sly Fox roped the Lunchmen in with the promise of immortality in the form of a customized shield on the wall with our name, crest, and motto. The gimmick works on me every time. For instance, as I am striving for that golden plate, I feel guilty about going to drink beer anywhere besides the Flying Saucer, and I never order the same beer twice when I'm there. Sad, I know.

The menu is British-Pub-Meats-Southern-Cooking fusion. What does that mean? It means that you can ordered Scotch Eggs for an appetizer, Shrimp & Grits for an entree, and have an Irish Car Bomb for dessert. That idea seemed right up our ally, and so the Lunchmen rallied a crowd to break in the Sly Fox. The Publican, Rabbit and I were joined on this Friday excursion by Tex, Fabio, The Lawnmower Man, and Bill Brasky. By way of introduction, when Brasky is not bathing in Vodka and digesting turtle shells, he makes time to come from Devine Street to dine with the Lunchmen. The combination of good friends, good weather, and the challenges of the Hunt Club had everyone's expectations for the Sly Fox running pretty high.

The actual food, however, did not quite live up to the level of excitement we brought to this seemingly bold Friday lunch call. Fabio ordered the pulled pork sandwich, which comes topped with a chipotle/blue cheese coleslaw and a barbecue sauce. That sandwich looks good on paper, and Fabio liked it fine, but he was not really blown away by it. Certainly, he conceded that it paled in comparison to a similar barbecue sandwich we had on a work trip in the restaurant at the Hermitage in downtown Nashville a couple of months ago. Carolina restaurants are obligated to do pulled pork better than anywhere else. Its a matter of regional barbecue pride. I did think Fabio's side of mac and cheese looked pretty tasty, but I admit that I have never found a mac and cheese that I don't think looks tasty.


I ordered an open-faced smothered steak sandwich made from NY strip, mushrooms, onions, blue cheese crumbles, and brown gravy. No concern with calories on this trip, my friends, I went all-in on this order. My sandwich was accompanied by some raw fries - too crispy for my liking - and was chased with a tasty, cold Widmer Hefeweizen. Maybe the sandwich would have suited me better on a cold, rainy January lunch. However, on this occasion, the concoction was too heavy, drab, and dense for my liking. The sandwich is the definition of sleepy food, too. Good luck getting work done after taking down the smothered steak.

Although only a couple of us had the wisdom and fortitude to order a beer as we dined at this pub, our group covered the menu pretty well, cheeseburgers, fish po-boys, even the crab cake blt (the CCBLT). Brasky, Rabbit, Tex, the Lawn Mower Man, they all seemed satisfied, but underwhelmed. The Publican defined his meal as "mediocre." The response was a little disappointing. Nevertheless, Rabbit, The Publican, and I each signed up for the Hunt Club on this inaugural trip. However, even that let us down, because the Hunt Club form in the restaurant is different from the one online; the restaurant form requires you to earn 50% more points and cuts the gift certificate in half. That felt like a bait-and-switch, and I hate a bait-and-switch more than almost anything. That's no way to earn our loyalty, Sly Fox.

The Sly Fox adds some different options for the Vista lunch scene, and for that I am glad it is around. Perhaps the real problem is that the Sly Fox is trying to do too much without doing anything very well. If you are in the mood for something different, give the internet menu here a look to see if they've got a new option you would want to try - just don't get too excited by the Hunt Club application, because our waitress said that the reward is not as easy or as great as it seems.

- Tank

When the Lunchmen first started tossing around the idea about lunch at The Mouse Trap, an out-of-the way destination that has quietly served office workers and residents in Middleburg for 40 years, Captain Understatement spitefully rebuked the idea. I cannot, in good conscience, utter his descriptions on this blog. Suffice it to say, Captain Understatement had me convinced it was a seedy hole in the wall that should be avoided at all costs. Captain Understatement (a sarcastic nickname that stems from his excessive use of hyperbole) completely lived up to his title once again. In fact, I would go to the mattresses in defense of The Mouse Trap after our lunch experience.

The Mouse Trap is the epitome of the neighborhood restaurant. It has friendly, established staff. It has a long, wooden bar that locals can saddle up to in the evenings and enjoy a cold, refreshing ale or a strong glass of bourbon. It has daily specials which are advertised on their Facebook page. I can't help but feel like the fact that The Mouse Trap has a Facebook page proves that Facebook is taking over the world. In any event, The Mouse Trap feels like a Cheers or a Moe's that serves good, home-cooked meals. That is my kind of place.

Since the Mousetrap posts its specials twice a day on Facebook, I was determined to eat the lunch special. We went on Wednesday, and the special was fried boneless chicken, dirty rice, green beans, cole slaw, and a roll. That feast cost six dollars and some change. There was nothing spectacular about the green beans or the dirty rice, but the cole slaw was delicious and the fried chicken was cooked perfectly. You are going to have a hard time finding a place in Columbia that can fry boneless chicken and keep it so juicy.

The Publican pulled down a slaw cheese burger with tomato on it. He noted that it is not the best burger in town, but he was very pleased with it. The burger is home-style, just what you would expect from a good neighborhood restaurant like The Mouse Trap. Rabbit had a hefty chef salad that left him full and satisfied.

Thoroughly pleased with our lunch and enjoying the vibe at The Mouse Trap, we looked for something else to order to keep us hanging around a little longer. Cold brewskis? Nahhh, not on a Wednesday, the Lunchmen cannot afford the luxury to be sipping cold ones that early in the work week. Delicious, home-made desserts advertised on the board that greeted us when we entered the restaurant? Caloricly speaking, it seemed a bad idea, but it sounded so good. So we consulted with our helpful waitress and ordered up some treats. We were blown away by the desserts.


The Publican and I both wanted two of the fresh pies - the chocolate pie and the banana cream pie. We found a simple solution; we each ordered one, cut them in half, and then swapped halves so that we each had both. Excessive, but outstanding. It was the best dessert I've ever had at lunch. Rabbit went super bold, and ordered the strawberry short cake. Given the time of year, he made the absolute correct decision, because everyone from Columbia knows that our regional farmers are dolling out fresh, tasty strawberries in droves right now. That cake made Rabbit happier than a bunny in a carrot patch.

I must admit that we almost did not post this entry. The Mouse Trap is such a satisfying lunch spot that we really did not want to advertise it. Don't get us wrong; we are not wild about The Mouse Trap because all the food is spectacular. The Mouse Trap shines because of its location, is staff, its vibe, its comfort food - the whole experience. To us, The Mouse Trap is a great lunch spot for getting off the beaten path and having a home-cooked lunch in a place that makes us feel at ease. If you feel inspired to go, please do me a favor -- don't tell your friends about it.

- Tank

Even if I wanted to, I could not cast West Columbia in a sexy light. It is blue-collar to the core, and that is why we like it. Discount stores, struggling strip malls, and a chicken factory all serve as a sharp contrast to Columbia's shiny pride and joy, the Vista, just across the river. The Lunchmen do not really care about glitz and glamor when they are scouting for that much-needed retreat between 12:00 and 1:00 p.m. They care about one thing -- deliciousness. The stretch of Sunset Boulevard extending from the Gervais Street bridge to Lexington Medical Center runs deep with deliciousness, and it features some of the most notable, down-to-earth lunch destinations in the Columbia area.

Nick's House of Pizza is not fancy. Its deserts are featured in a revolving cabinet. Its waitresses lack the polish of their younger, bubblier counterparts across the river. Instead of roping you in with a cohesive, paired down menu featuring trendy, portion-controlled fare, Nick's menu offers almost anything you can think of for lunch, and it offers them in LARGE portions. Therefore, it was no surprise to this writer that Pizza the Hut wanted the Lunchmen to head their for a Friday lunch. I am glad we did.

Nick's cooks some food that is just okay, and it does others quite well. The Lawnmower Man was not blown away by his hot ham sandwich; he found it merely "okay." The Lawnmower Man lives in Lexington County and is an aficionado of all blue-collar menu items. If he doesn't like your ham sandwich, then you've still got work to do on it, Nick's. Similarly, Rabbit got a Caesar salad with chicken, which he found to be only average. No one knows lettuce like Rabbit.

Nick's is not bashful about offering some menu items in the double-digit range, and The Dude did not shy away from the opportunity to order one of them. Then again, when you are balling at the Dude's level, dropping $10.40 for a Grecian Pasta with Chicken is nothing - the Dude abides, man. The Dude thought that the Grecian Pasta was pretty good. This picture of it I took is deplorable, I know, but I'm going to share it with you anyway.


So, what does Nick's do well, you ask? For one thing, pizza and pizza-related goodness. You don't go to a deli and order the lasagna, do you? Would you eat a hamburger at a health food market? Of course not, and I refuse to eat anything besides pizza, stromboli, or calzone at a place that calls itself a House of Pizza. I ordered the small Gyro Stromboli, which is still more food than any one man should eat at lunch unless he is actively working towards a by-pass surgery. Fortunately, I have no known family history of heart disease. My order was loaded with gyro meat, onions, bell peppers, cheese, and meat sauce. I found it delectable, and as far as strombolis/calzones go, I believe it plays second fiddle in Columbia only to Dano's.

Pizza the Hut shocked us all when he did not order pizza. After all, he is famous for allegedly making Pizza Hut seriously reconsider offering a buffet on Sumter Street. Not to be typecasted, he threw aside his role and ordered the hot turkey sub, complete with lettuce, onions, bell peppers, tomatoes, mayonnaise, provolone cheese, and a special dressing. He devoured that sub with a side of french fries, and he gave the sandwich an enthusiastic thumbs up.


You know who else likes Nick's? Mrs. Tank and Grandma - they go every few weeks and tackle salads and hot subs. That should be all of the inspiration you need to head across the bridge, ladies. Grandma knows good eats.

I am afraid to say that Nick's House of Pizza didn't make it on our pizza poll. After eating the Gyro Stromboli, I realize that was mistake. My bad, Nick's House of Pizza, my bad. I'll be back to order more stromboli to make up for it.

- Tank

Cayce, S.C. is a thriving metropolis of just a shade over 12,000 people, and home to a bowling alley, a vigilant police force, a jam-up Krispie Kreme, Blackwater Rattlesnake Outfitters, and many other fine institutions of Southern living. For a town of its size, Cayce boasts a remarkable amount of business due to its proximity to Columbia. Despite a few run-ins with the local police department and some bitterness over the replacement of a perfectly good crack motel with a CVS, I can proudly say I hold our brethren across the river in high esteem.

One of the reasons I hold this little hamlet in such high esteem is The Kingsman, a cornerstone of the venerable Parkland Shopping center. As soon as you hit the parking lot, you’ll know you’ve found a good lunch spot. The concentration of cars outside the entrance boasts everything from utility trucks to Mercedes, suggesting just the kind of diverse clientele that tips off an observant Lunchman. Once inside, you’re greeted by a diner style counter and cash register up front with employees working feverishly all around. On this particular Friday visit, we were also greeted by a half dozen diners waiting for a table... another good sign. Hardly regal, but definitely inviting, the back two dining rooms were filled to the brim with diners enjoying their lunch hour.

We averted conflict with an overly anxious and protective fellow diner, and pounced on a small booth in the back dining room. Cramming Tank, Rabbit, Tex, the Queen of Frozen Cuisine and I into a booth proved to be a small challenge, but we sucked it up for an intimate lunch. The staff here is friendly and colorful. One waitress even drives an old Chrysler with a pair of gigantic, pink testicles dangling from the trailer hitch. With no shortages of “honeys” and “sweethearts,” our harried waitress buzzed in to take our order. My order was never in doubt – the Special. Two modestly battered fried pork chops, served with immodest portions of greens, rice and gravy, macaroni and a roll to sop everything up, are enough to bring lesser men to their knees (the Tuesday special is also pork chops, but with a different combination of sides). Much to my surprise, my fellow Lunchmen followed suit and ordered the Special with a few targeted vegetable substitutions like green beans and sweet potatoes.

As you might expect, none of these menu items are prepared in accordance with American Heart Association guidelines. The vegetables are slow cooked to ensure the eradication of any vitamins, and slathered with all the delicious things that make foods bad for you. The only complaints I recall had something to do with Tank’s sweet potato envy (Tex’s was bigger than his) and the plain style rice and gravy. I, for one, happen to like the simple, understated rice and gravy as a compliment to the more assertive flavors of the other side items. Different strokes I suppose. On balance, the Lunchmen were uniformly well pleased. The Queen of Frozen Cuisine even managed to polish off both pork chops while singing their praises to her sister via telephone.

While we all opted for the special, past experience tells me the regular menu is no slouch. The ribeye and steak tips are particular standouts. Garden and Gun magazine even named the Kingsman’s pimento burger one of the “100 Southern Foods You Absolutely, Positively Must Try Before You Die”:

"Pimento burgers are the national food of Columbia, a statement complicated by the fact that Columbia is not sovereign. But never mind that. And never mind that the Kingsman is technically in the Columbia suburb of Cayce. When a hot patty hits a cool patch of pimento cheese, melt is achieved and goodness blossoms."

Hola, mis amigos! Happy Cinco de Mayo. Cabo Fresh Taco, the new restaurant on Sumter Street that took over Craving's old spot, rolled out a 2 for $5 taco day in honor of this Mexican holiday. The Lunchmen could not resist.

Rabbit and I were a little late to the party this afternoon, but I am glad that we did not miss it. On the way to the restaurant, we ran into The Publican and Spoony. The reports were good - nice taco fillings, delicious salsa and queso, even Mexican Coca-Cola sweetened with cane sugar. The only complaint Spoony and The Publican raised were that the taco shells were the small, corn tortilla shells rather than the flour shells. I was slightly disappointed.

Why? Because the name of the restaurant suggested to me that it was going to be a wholesale rip-off of my favorite taco shop of all time, Cabo Fish Taco in Charlotte and Blacksburg. "Surely," I said to myself, "if they were going to rip off Cabo Fish Taco, they would have used the double-flour-shell technique that provides all of the structural integrity to Cabo Fish Taco's delightful creations. Its a no-brainer" Although there were some similarities, such as tasty slaw topping on the taco and double corn tortillas, Cabo Fresh Taco is no Cabo Fish Taco rip off. They just have a similar name and similarly good tacos.

Rabbit and I were very pleased with our meals. First, how about that salsa? It oozed with smoky chipotle, was not acidized, and even appeared to have some grilled peppers or tomatoes in it. Good salsa is half the battle, in my opinion. As for the tacos, the barbacoa beef taco was outstanding. In a side-by-side comparison, it would absolutely dominate the ones over at Chipotle. Rabbit was enamored with his veggie taco, which had portabella mushrooms cooked in what we believe to be Worcestershire sauce. That's thinking outside of the box.


The seafood tacos did not impress us as much as our other tacos. Spoony recommended the fried shrimp taco. It was good, but not as good as my barbacoa. Rabbit was not very thrilled with his mahi taco, either. At $3.95 a piece, I'd recommend saving a little money and going for a non-seafood option on the taco. Spoony and The Publican said that the pork (al pastor) was a little dry, but tasty nonetheless.

I am glad to have an uptown location within walking distance serving fresh tacos. It is nice to have a new face (literally) on Sumter Street - it is helping me cope with the loss of the Palmetto Sandwich Shop and Cravings. Please get over to Cabo Fresh Taco and show this start-up restaurant some support and to enjoy some pretty good tacos. Trust me, Chipotle will be fine without your lunch support.

- Tank

We asked, you (a few) answered. Chipotle's appearance in Trenholm Plaza prompted this poll. The point of the poll, as its overtly critical title suggested, was to ask whether Columbia really needed another chain "Fresh-Mex" restaurant serving massive burritos. Based on the votes we received, apparently the Fresh-Mex restaurants we already had were pretty boo. Only three people jumped in to support Moe's; only two of you voted for Qdoba; and Salsarita, well, its just the dorky kid at the party, leaning against the wall and sippin' a Capri Sun, and just hoping that someday somebody will like him. Chipotle wins by a landslide.

The Publican, Rabbit and I gave Chipotle a shot a couple of weeks ago. Its not bad. The burrito is not really my thing, but I can see why you all liked it best. My play there is the barbacoa tacos; Rabbit, as you may imagine, he likes the salad. Hey, welcome to the neighborhood, Chipotle, Columbia is glad to have you.

I have been avoiding Longhorn for seven years. For me, even the name conjures up childhood images of family dinners at Western Sizzlin'. While there is nothing wrong with hitting up the Sizzler if you are so inclined, it is no place to go if you are craving food from a good chophouse. I believe the same is true for Longhorn.

Quality meat and proper cooking is everything with a steak. I held the preconceived notion that Longhorn would fall short in both categories, so I steered clear of the steak on our trip so that Longhorn would not have to overcome my prejudice. Tex, however, stayed true to his name and ordered a sirloin steak for lunch. I was glad someone else was willing to man up. Tex's report: "it ain't too bad for a 10-dollar steak." Tex is a living tribute to Waco. His face glowed with glee when he saw the saddles, mounted cow heads, and leather chaps.

The Dude and The Publican both ordered the Seven Pepper Sirloin Salad. The Dude was underwhelmed, but not dissatisfied. The Publican liked his salad, but he is convinced it is the best thing on the menu.

If only I could say the same for my pork chop. It looked alright when it hit the table; the chop had some sear on it, and it was coated in a sweet glaze. The trouble began when I tried to actually bite it. My jaw is still sore from the workout. The Queen of Frozen Cuisine asked me how it was after a couple of bites, and my answer involved a cobbler, shoe-making, etc. - you get the point, it was way too tough to enjoy. I tried covering it with the side helping of apples, but that didn't really help much.

Rabbit ordered the Salmon Caesar salad. The salmon looked overcooked for my taste. He said that it was "about on par with a normal lunch salad in Columbia, for about five bucks or more." Hmmmm, notice a trend going here?

Let's face it. Longhorn is, as The Publican likes to say, A BASTION OF MEDIOCRITY. It is not a terrible place to go take a client for lunch - if you are not very worried about impressing that client. Rabbit does not think that Longhorn should make the Boo List, and he is probably right. Our server was absolutely excellent at her job, and the warm bread that was brought out at the beginning of the meal is a nice touch for the lunch scene. Just don't go into Longhorn with high expectations, and don't order the pork chop.

- Tank

Over the past several years, advances in technology and the accessibility of media have led to a remarkable democratization of information for today’s consumer. It comes as no surprise then that a similar revolution is taking place in the food services industry. I’m talking, of course, about Which Wich.

Which Wich serves all sorts of different sandwiches (or “wiches”) for standard Columbia prices, along with chips and cookies. However, what makes this place noteworthy is that the customer designs their sandwich completely. You walk in, grab a pen, and fill out a menu card with what you want on your “wich," picking everything from the bread to the meat to the condiments to the sauce(s).

Basically, what Subway started, Which Wich has Emirel-ed up another notch. This is a sandwich shop, through and through, but at Which Wich you are the chef. Sounds simple, right? Well my friends, it can get pretty hairy if you’re not careful. Can we really be trusted with this much say in what goes on our sandwiches? Were restaurants not designed to take some of this power out of our Prometheus-like grasp and place it in the more responsible hands of our local entrepreneurs? For example, if given the option of ranch or 1000 island on my sandwich, what – besides my own willpower, which is sort of like having a blind man with a cane show up to a whoop-ass contest – is to stop me from drowning my entrée in both? When given this much latitude, would I use it for good, or end up destroying myself? Today, Knasty and I went to find out.

We showed up well after 1pm, thus avoiding the lunch crowd that normally fills the place to the brim (Note – given WW’s proximity to campus, this may have been a chronological error in judgment, as our “scenery” was noticeably depleted and Knasty lamented on the considerable lack of co-ed talent for his viewing pleasure). There was no line, so I casually looked over my options on the menu cards. Turkey, roast beef, chicken, or all of the above? Peanut Butter and Banana (known as “The Elvis”)? Powdered Sugar and Ham (known as the “Monte Christo”)? It was like a sensory overload – I couldn’t make a decision. Finally, out of desperation to have the whole thing be done with, I opted for their black bean patty.

Really? Black Bean Patty? That’s what I chose? This is the crap I’m talking about – I had so much to pick from, I spent so much time weighing my options, that I experienced classic paralysis by analysis and ended up choosing something that I would never in my right mind select. Luckily, the Black bean patty basically tastes like a whopper jr. patty from burger king, so everything turned out okay. However, I am a little scared to think what I’ll come up with next time.

In all seriousness, WW makes a really solid meal. The portions are perfect (7 inch sub rolls in white or wheat) and the staff does a great job of stuffing what is often an absurd amount of toppings into a tightly packed sandwich. Then, they use these special toaster ovens to get it to you warm and crispy. I have tried several variations of meats and veggies and have always been pleased. In fact, Tank claims (though I don’t believe it) to have tried over 40 different sandwiches in the short time that this place has been open. However, if anyone can back up to such a bold statement, its him.

Here is an insider's tip for the next time you go – opt for the homemade chips. While they have all the usual chip suspects (baked lays, regular, Doritos, etc.) WW also offers homemade “Wich Chips” that are lightly seasoned with black pepper. They are thicker than normal potato chips, feature ridges, and are easily the best offered in town. A perfect compliment to any sandwich.

Really there are just two criticisms, and they are minor. First, the place looks like the inside of an apple computer. If you’ve never been there, this probably makes no sense, but if you have then you know exactly what I’m talking about. Second, it is no more than 55 degrees inside this place at any given time. This is a welcome characteristic to some lunchmen like Tank, who I may rename the Polar Bear, but for normal warm blooded patrons like Rabbit, its borderline unbearable. Had there been seating available outside, I’d have taken advantage in a heartbeat.

All in all, this is a really sound choice and welcome addition to the South Main area. If you get a wich, chips and a drink you’re looking at about 8 bucks total, which compares favorably to most places in town. And, if you go at the right time, there’s plenty to see while you eat.

-Rabbit

Its spring time in Columbia, which means the Lunchmen are naturally taking longer, leisurely lunches again to enjoy the sunshine before our mid-days return to those sweltering, "famously hot" times when good air conditioning becomes the only requirement for a successful lunch. On days like these, why not go sit across from the Horseshoe and enjoy some Mexican fare? Not being able to come up with a good reason, we did just that.

Tio's moved from its location Main Street a couple of years ago to a much larger, appealing location around the block. The Sumter Street location has a bar, ample seating, and a lot of window space. The bar seems to be rocking some very decent happy hour prices - something we will investigate further come softball season. They've also got a dedicated parking lot guarded by a man in a chair who will only let down the rope he is holding if you are going to Tio's. Don't trifle with this man.

Rabbit, The Publican and I grabbed a table in the front of the restaurant to enjoy being on campus - it lets Rabbit and The Publican bask in the memories of their glory days. Lunch service at Tio's is notoriously slow, and today was no exception. We had multiple waitresses trying, rather unsuccessfully, to figure out our order and bring it to the table. In another setting, this might have bothered me, but not today. With the festive colors, fiesta decor, and sunlight spilling into the restaurant, I was able to slip into island time for a little while, decompress, and chuckle at the bumps in Tio's execution.

The food at Tio's is not going to blow you away, so don't go expecting to be wowed. After all, their website advertises the "best margarita in town," not the best Mexican food. However, there are some things about Tio's that have helped the restaurant develop a cult following. First, they have some pretty delicious salsa, and they offer a wide array of hot sauces for those of you that are inclined to be bold, or even reckless, with the heat. Second, the Mexican Pizza is a classic college hang-over tool. Third, and perhaps most significant, is the Wet Burrito. The name might not be too appetizing and it is not the prettiest of foods (see pic), but it is a tasty, filling creation that I have religiously ordered on every trip to Tio's since 2005. Try it out with some hot sauce and be prepare to write off the afternoon.

Tio's is not a bad lunch call if you are around campus and can't find parking for some of the other venues. If you go in expecting decent, standard Mexican fare at a relaxed pace, you won't be disappointed.

- Tank

Make no mistake, the Lunchmen are Columbians, through and through. We exhibit an almost unhealthy amount of pride in residing in the Capital City, and will defend any assault on our home turf vehemently and without limitation. However, that is not to say that the Lunchmen never leave the Midlands, or that they don’t enjoy a good road trip. On the contrary, the very reason we are so confident in our love of Columbia and all its culinary delights is that we have traversed this great nation and find no city in comparable size and make-up that can offer the stomach what Columbia can. But, every now and then, when out on the road, a restaurant strikes such a chord with our taste buds that we are duty bound, regional allegiances be damned, to blog about it. No matter where you are, when the food is good enough, attention must be paid. Such is the case with the Blue Ridge Brewery in Greenville, SC.

If you are from Greenville, then (1) you are probably reading this on a Macbook Pro, (2) you are already knowledgeable about Blue Ridge Brewery, (3) you think you know of three or four “totally better” places in Greenville that we should have reviewed, (4) and you probably mistakenly think that this article serves as some sort of validation that your town is in any way superior to Columbia. Let me disabuse you of that notion on the front end: it is not. You can give your main street a thousand more face-lifts and pour in as many wannabe hipsters and artisans as you want, nothing in the upstate can match the dilapidated charm sprinkled with Government and Military Architecture that is Columbia, SC. You may have more money, less crime, better roads and superior schools, but you also have Bob Jones University, Traveler’s Rest, and the worst Interstate in the country in I-85. There is just no comparison.

Now that we have settled that debate, onto the meal. Work obligations took Rabbit to Greenville last Friday, and I jumped at the opportunity to catch up with dear friend (and Columbia Native) “Cap’n Charley” who now resides there. We met for lunch at the Blue Ridge Brewery on Main Street on a glorious Spring afternoon. It was a Friday, and the weather was perfect, so of course I had to order an appetizer: the Pale Ale. Blue Ridge features four beers that they brew on site seasonally. In addition to the Pale Ale, they also offer a Blond, an ESB, a Stout and Barley Wine. My Beer was cold and refreshing, and set the tone for the rest of the relaxed meal. Unfortunately, Cap’n Charley didn’t partake in the drinking, stating that “this is the heart of the bible belt, I don’t think you can drink at lunch and go back to work.” What a crappy town.

I don’t know what they put in the beer at Blue Ridge, but whatever it is it makes you crave their menu. A quick perusal revealed your standard bar fare, but an in-depth reading reveals the care and detail that Blue Ridge puts into their food. They use only fresh and local ingredients when they can, and even make their own ketchup and mustard. I opted for the Cuban, which was Moist and tender Pulled Roast Pork and Ham with Swiss, Mustard, Onion, and Pickles on toasted Cuban Bread. Absolutely stunning. Cap’n Charley went with the Gyro, a Warm, Soft Pita Bread Wrapped Around Fresh Sliced Chicago Style Gyro with onions, olives, feta, lettuce, tomato and homemade Tzatziki Sauce. There were no leftovers.

Other interesting items to try are The “Steak Bomb” - Onions, Provolone, Mayo, Bell Peppers, Mushrooms and Sweet Cherry Peppers on a N.Y. Hoagie Roll; and a Pimento Cheese Dip Appetizer - Applewood Smoked English Cheddar and fresh Roasted Peppers with Jalapenos served with grilled Flat Bread. At night, the menu is punched up several notches, and includes Brick oven Chicago style pizza that is apparently unrivaled in the area. The only bad thing about this place is the fries that come with your sandwiches. They aren’t terrible, but I was expecting thick cut, homemade steak fries given the rest of the Blue Ridge Experience. These seemed more like frozen, pre-cut fries I could get at the Grocery Store. A small disappointment, but one worth noting.

Overall, the beer was cold, the service fast, the food tasty, and the company delightful. The next time work or pleasure takes me to the Upstate, I’ll undoubtedly make a trip back to Blue Ridge Brewery, hopefully on an occasion when I can try all the beers and not just one.

-Rabbit

The Lunchmen blog Has been a steadily growing grass roots campaign dedicated to all things delicious for almost nine months. Despite a brief hiatus in December and January during which Rabbit got married to Mrs. Rabbit and Tank managed to break all previously held billable hours records, the site continues to grow and gain new followers everyday. We are always pleased when people ask about the blog or tell us that they’ve enjoyed reading them. You keep reading, and we’ll keep writing.

A few Fridays ago, I received perhaps the greatest validation of our growth to date when I met the Publican for a lunch at the venerable Groucho’s Five Points. What originally was planned as a quick call for a Friday with just me and the Publican turned into something much greater when we noticed Publican’s old roommate “The Marlboro Man” at a table by himself gawking at the undergraduate waitresses. We decided to join him and were delighted to learn two other friends would be coming over from another law firm (Tank’s previous employer, coincidentally) that has its own reputation for bold lunch calls. Soon our table was filled out with friends “Eazy-E” and “The Irish Pub.” Eazy-E is another young attorney that was fraternity brothers with Rabbit, the Publican and the Marlboro Man. The Irish Pub is a little bit older, but when he’s not selling his colleagues out to the guys at Granger Owings he is usually up for a good meal or solid happy hour on his way home way out in the country behind the VA.

We all settled in and ordered when the Irish Pub suddenly looked over and said “I love your blog.” I have to be honest, I was so shocked that at first I thought he was talking to someone else. I couldn’t believe that our little site had woven its way through the Capital City legal community to find new fans. (Special thanks to Lunchmen veteran Pizza-the-Hut for spreading the word). To show our appreciation, we promised to include our new fans in this entry.

By now you are probably saying to yourself: “Self, when are they going to actually review the restaurant and talk about the food?” Good point. On to the meal. Usually, it all starts with some of the sweetest tea in Columbia served on top of that truly baller pellet style ice. Honestly, I cannot think of a reason that every restaurant in the universe doesn’t use this ice. Why wouldn’t you? It can’t be that expensive, and it immediately earns you street cred with serious diners. In fact, its one of my favorite things about Groucho’s.

Just about everyone knows what they are going to get to eat at Groucho’s before they sit down. Patrons choose their favorite sandwich (or “dipper” as they are officially known) early in their career and exhibit an amount of loyalty to that selection rivaled only by Sam in the "Lord of the Rings” Trilogy. There being five of us, we had enough people ordering a few different things to get a real sense of the menu. Popular items include the Apollo – Turkey, Ham, Bacon and Swiss on a warm hoagie and the STP – an Apollo with Roast Beef instead of Ham. Classic variations are to order one of these “all turkey” or “all ham,” etc. (Insiders Tip – it’s a good idea to request the bacon bits to be placed UNDER the cheese, not on top, so they do not fall off when you pick up your sandwich). The sandwiches are all sizeable and come out piping hot. However, everyone knows that they are really just the supporting cast for the true star of Groucho’s show: Formula 45 Sauce.


For decades, Formula 45 has been a leading culprit of the dreaded “Freshman 15” that plagues gamecock ladies every fall semester. The stuff is like liquid heroine. Hell, I’d probably brush my teeth with it if I could. No one knows what’s in the sauce exactly, but its akin to 1000 Island but about 50 times as delicious (and fattening). I have seen grown men scoop out the last little bit with their finger long after their chips and sandwich had been consumed. They even sell the stuff by the bottle so you can take it home and continue to gain weight.

This group was no different, and we were soon licking our plates clean. If you can get a table, Groucho’s can be a really quick lunch. They’ve been open for such a long time that the place basically runs itself. Combine that with the fervor and speed with which you will attack your meal and you have the makings for a perfect Friday lunch when you want to go bold, but maybe don’t have the time to commit to a longer choice.

Back in our younger days as undergrads, the Publican and I would wake up some (read: all) mornings (read: afternoons) feeling a bit delicate (read: hung-over). After canceling class for the second or third time that week, we’d invariably drag ourselves out of bed and wander over to the then burgeoning Greek Village to our beloved frat-cave. Why? Why else? Free food. Back in the glorious first half of the last decade, the KA house at USC was lucky to serve as the platform upon which Culinary Magician and self-proclaimed hockey fanatic Mike Smith (known commonly as “Chef Mike”) would work his dietary magic – transforming somewhat humble ingredients into meals that college men would devour in a quick minute and return asking for more.

The Publican and I have long since graduated, and so to has Chef Mike, so to speak. He can now be found preparing fresh wraps, sandwiches and salads at one of the staples of Vista dining: Garden Bistro. Having lived off Chef Mike’s food for multiple semesters, we went to this popular lunch locale with high expectations. Thankfully we were not disappointed.

Located on Park Street behind the Art Bar (which even if you’ve been to you probably won’t admit it), Garden Bistro is tucked away in a space that seems more fitting for an art gallery. In fact, there is plenty of art on the walls to enjoy while you dine. However, the best thing about the Bistro’s location is the large parking lot located on site. Usually trips to the Vista involve Tank making U-turns into spaces that would make Mario Andretti squeamish, followed by knock-down arguments over whose turn it is to pay the meter. Not so at the Bistro, where Kali was able to easily park his luxury sedan within spitting distance of the front door. We walked right in, ordered, and waited for Chef Mike to do his thing.

Overall, everyone was pleased, both with the price and quality of the fare. Tank, feeling the last bite of winter on the way in, opted for a smashed three cheese sandwich and cup of chicken tortilla soup. The perfect comfort meal on a chilly day. Kali went with the “Athena” which is a Greek style sandwich wrap, along with a cup of New England Clam Chowder. Sufficed to say, there were no leftovers. Feeling homesick, the Publican ordered the “Upstate,” which he was pleased but not overwhelmed with. Of particular note was his side choice not seen anywhere else in the Lunchmen universe: the bagel chips. The only thing the Publican guarded more closely than these delicious slices was the homemade heath-bar cookie he ordered as an appetizer. I would tell you how good it was, but I never got a bite offered to me.

Feeling particularly bold for a Thursday, I eschewed my normal salad choice on the menu and went with the Garden Bounty wrap. While this may sound somewhat weak, let me assure you that it was a hefty entrée, and I didn’t miss the meat. My side choice was, of course, the garden salad, which was also topped with bagel chips. The most notable aspect of our lunch today was that this was a co-ed trip, as the Queen of Frozen Cuisine forsake her waiting microwave meal in the break-room to accompany the Lunchmen (or Lunchpeople, I should say). The best thing about her meal would undoubtedly be the Greek pasta salad (ordered at my suggestion) which is among the best, and underrated, in town.

Overall, Garden Bistro is a great dining option in the Vista. It’s not going to knock your socks off or put you into a food coma, but it consistently provides solid choices in a relaxed atmosphere. To be honest, we should probably go there more often than we do, but for whatever reason it gets lost in the shuffle. Of course, with so many other places for the lunchmen to review in the Capital city, one wonders how we make repeat trips anywhere! Stay tuned, more reviews to come…

-Rabbit

Friends, it has been far, far too long since our last entry. Unfortunately for the lunchmen, trivial matters such as work commitments, matrimonial ceremonies and the holiday season all contributed to the long hiatus since our last review and poll. Many a reader has approached the lunchmen in recent weeks to ask if our beloved blog was dead. The answer, unequivocally, is NO! We are back in full gear and ready to enjoy all the bounty the capital city has to offer in 2010.

To commemorate our much-anticipated return to the blogosphere, the lunchmen, along with veterans Kali and Tex, decided to splurge – both fiscally and calorically – on a Friday afternoon by hitting up the Motor Supply Company Bistro in the Vista.

Motor Supply prides itself on using fresh, local ingredients, often organic and usually without all the hormones and preservatives made famous in a recent episode of Oprah that exposed the corporate food industry. Their menu is hand written and changes everyday, and while they are known more commonly as a dinner place a good first date locale, they are no slouches when it comes to lunch either. Throw in an extensive (if not expensive) wine and beer list and you have the makings of a potentially bold Friday Lunch call.

Upon arrival, our party was greeted with the smell of fresh asparagus and the sighting of several power lunches in progress (including one featuring a current mayoral candidate). There was also a sprinkling of a certain type of woman – those older ladies who don’t work and use the word “lunch” as a verb, as in “Margo, Buffy and I lunched at Motor Supply and I just had to try their swordfish.” You know the type.

No matter what type of person we encountered at the tables, however, all of them had one thing in common – the food in front of them was unrivaled in Columbia based on presentation. As the attached picture of Tex’s meal shows, everything looks like it should be delicious when it comes to your table. The question then, is whether or not the tastes live up to the looks? Would Motor Supply be bold, or boo? We were about to find out.

As you know, today is the end of the month – a/k/a “Pay Day,” so we were in a spending mood. Rest assured, no one associated with this blog “crushes it” in terms of salary. Far from it. If any of us qualified for true “baller” status, then we wouldn’t be leaving work for lunch, we’d be leaving work for good. That said, we all went in prepared to drop more coin than is normal. It started with the first course, in which Tank opted for a cup of the creamy potato soup, Kali tried a side salad, and I enjoyed some vegetable gumbo. Everyone was impressed and satisfied, except for Tex, who forgot to order a first course and had to watch helplessly as we devoured our appetizers.

What Tex lacked in culinary foresight he more than made up for in his entrée choice – quartered and roasted duckling saddled with an orange marmalade. It sounds really good, judging by the picture it looks really good, and according to Tex it tastes really good also. Tank held his own by opting for a Meatball and Italian Sausage Hoagie with pasta salad. While the pasta salad definitely doesn’t qualify as a Motor Supply specialty, the Sandwich looked awesome, and based on the lack of any leftovers was undoubtedly delicious. Also, Tank’s meal came with a pickle – which Tank hates but Rabbit loves since he gets to take it off his plate and add it to his own, so bonus points there.

Kali saw many diners trying the sautéed shrimp special and could not resist. Another solid choice. As for myself, I had the blackened salmon salad. My only complaint was the dressing. I ordered on the side and should have let them toss it in the salad itself. My mistake, but one that I shan’t make again, I assure you.

When the bill came, it did take a minute for us to get over the shock of both how high the price was (over $15 bucks per lunchman after tip) and how long we had been there (45 minutes). Thus, Motor Supply is not somewhere we can go often. However, for special occasions such as this one, there isn’t a better spot for lunch downtown.

- Rabbit.

Food does not get much more controversial than barbecue. There are places in the Carolinas where people will argue for hours over the merits of vinegar vs. mustard vs. tomato-based Q. However, Doc's Barbecue has clearly made an impact the past couple of years on Columbia pork-lovers. Doc's is good enough to impress our Secretary of State, Mrs. Hillary Rodham Clinton, and its good enough to persuade our readers that it is the best Q that Columbia has to offer. Second place, well, I was surprised to see that it wasn't even close. As we suspected, Palmetto Pig, Hudson's, Little Pigs, and Shealy's all had some support. However, at the end of the day, and perhaps due to good sidekicks like the catfish bites, the collards, and the tastiest (and probably most unhealthy) potato salad in Columbia, Doc's pulled pork has won the hearts of our readers - Congratulations Doc's, we'll be seeing you next Saturday as we load up for the Carolina/Clemson tailgate.

I want to make something perfectly clear from the beginning of this article - If I was not duty-bound to reflect the opinions of my fellow Lunchmen in my posts, El Burrito would easily be the latest addition to the Boo List. I understand that many Columbia residents hold El Burrito in high esteem. For years, I have tried to give El Burrito chance after chance to win me over. I am finished with trying.

Many folks try to persuade me to like El Burrito by appealing to the fact that I like restaurants that use fresh, local ingredients in their fare. I'm told that El Burrito does this, and certainly I will not dispute how fresh the food has been on most of my trips - except for the terribly acidized salsa I have had on certain late afternoon occassions. However, lets not lose the forest for the trees, people. Ingredients are simply, well, just ingredients. It does not matter if the produce was hand-picked in the Garden of Eden if the restaurant churns out food that is neither satisfying or delicious. El Burrito fails to deliver on the final product.

At some point, I've tried about everything on El Burrito's menu - basically, it consists of burritos, tacos, nachos, and beans and rice. Pretty standard taco shop stuff. Being a huge fan of, yes, black beans, I ordered some beans and rice (with the works) and a beef taco for lunch. Perhaps due to the large hippie wrap on the head of the person taking my order, I was provided an order of beans and rice and a bean taco. But hey, like I said, I like black beans.

However, when I dove in, the beans had no flavor at all. Even with the green sauce and the gratuitous serving of broken down sour cream, the dish was bland and drab. I was shocked to later learn that the beans were fresh (allegedly) rather than canned. I tasted no freshness at all. With the intent of infusing a little flavor, I added some chopped pepper and hot sauce. All this did was make my beans and rice unpalatably hot. As it included the same ingredients (except the addition of too much lettuce), suffice it to say my taco was equally depressing. It was so poorly constructed that it had to be eaten with a fork - the result of El Burrito's use of undersized, inadequate tortillas. Boooo.

My fellow Lunchmen cry "foul," alleging that I simply ordered poorly. Alas, I do not make the menu at El Burrito. If they have drab, boring, underseasoned, and ill-constructed food on their menu, then I should not be blamed for ordering it. Rabbit claimed that his salad was delicious - so I used his dish as the picture for this entry. However, he readily admits that he had to spend $12 to custom build a salad to his liking. Similarly, the Publican, who is so quick to fly to the defense of El Burrito, had to customize a taco with both a hard and soft shell to add "structural integrity." El Burrito, take a trip to Charlotte, try Cabo Fish Taco, and beg them to teach you how to build a taco using proper tortillas!

To be fair, Tex and Kali were pretty satisfied with their tacos and bean salad, respectively. The only universal complaint from the Lunchmen is that the food is very overpriced for what you get from El Burrito. I can assure you that this home cook can soak and prepare some black beans, pan fry some rice, and throw the standard accoutrements together for less than $7 per serving. Moreover, my dishes would actually be properly seasoned, properly proportioned, and taste good. As far as this writer is concerned, El Burrito is an overpriced, underwhelming experience that will be avoided in the future.

- Tank