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For Southerners, the meat ‘n three occupies a place in the culinary tradition similar to the French bistro, Italian trattoria -- or less idyllically -- the Yankee diner. They are the places to eat in neighborhoods and small towns where the cooking is informal but an honest representation of what people in the area traditionally eat. The meat ‘n threes menu and concept is uniform wherever you go: pick one of a handful of meats off a list and three vegetables from another column with a slightly higher number of selections. Sometimes congealed salad or banana pudding is a vegetable, sometimes not. Iced tea and a bread basket round out the experience. For many (including legions of old people, who often comprise the meat ‘n three’s main constituency), it’s a nostalgia-invoking experience: a place to go that is intended to look the same as meat ‘n threes have always looked and serves the food that its diners grew up eating at home, or some such pabulum.

The problem is that at many meat ‘n threes, the execution is lacking and the quality always is slipping: the vegetables are canned, over-cooked or carelessly seasoned. The meat doesn’t taste fresh, or -- if you’re lucky -- just doesn’t taste. The fryer is on auto-pilot, and customers who eat there will never get to taste the righteousness and integrity of a chicken leg fried in a cast-iron skillet. Farm equipment and vintage soda signs tacked onto the walls of a restaurant can’t replace farm-fresh butter beans, or iced tea brewed that day.

The irony of this current dilemma is that the Southern kitchen is the most evocative, complex, and celebrated cooking tradition of any part of the Union. Every shrimp and grits dish on a Manhattan menu or a bacon-stained tablecloth in a hip Brooklyn bistro owes its heritage to meat ‘n threes and the Southern cooks who have prepared simple but tasty meals reflecting the bounty of the region. Why then do so many modern day meat ‘n threes feature second-rate food?

But there is hope to be found against this otherwise bleak backdrop; right on Millwood Avenue, a Reawakening is taking place. Millwood Café, a restaurant with a simple name, unassuming interior, and day service only, is cooking traditional Southern food that does not compromise on quality or bow to the Southern-fried-kitsch that some other meat ‘n three’s gorge themselves.

What exactly is the meat ‘n three Reawakening at Millwood Café? It starts on a dry-erase board where four or five meats usually will be listed: fried flounder, smoked sausage, meatloaf, fried chicken are all in a heavy rotation (note: there’s a small orange grill menu on each table, which features hamburgers and handcut fries. It is testament to the Millwood experience that I have never had to check down to the burger and fries option, despite my general eagerness to find a proper French fry at any time of the day).

However, the stand-out menu item remains the chicken fried steak. The batter, as noted by Tank at dinner last week, is sturdier than most, owing most likely to the use of cornmeal, and it carries enough seasoning in the dredge to wake the chopped steak up from its torpor. It comes out of the fry crisp, not greasy, and remarkably light. The sawmill gravy on top is creamy, but avoids the plaster-of-paris-masquerading-as-topping phenomenon that plagues some other restaurant’s chicken fried steak dishes.

Perhaps the most pleasing part of the Millwood Café experience is that the portions are appropriately sized for lunch. There is no good reason that a meat ‘n three should feel compelled to treat you like a French goose during fois gras season: business people have to go back to work in the afternoon; the older clientele generally are not the demographic that eats to excess; and where many similar restaurants would feel compelled to buffalo you with quantity, Millwood lays off the food throttle. They give you a filling portion without parking a plate of food in your stomach.

Millwood Café succeeds because of its attention to detail, and its diligence in presenting an appealing plate of well-cooked food. Fried okra has arrived on the table in a cup and saucer, topped with a dusting of Parmesan cheese. The field peas are Anson Mills Sea Island red field peas, and are not overcooked or simply a means to a ham-hock-tasting end. Rather they taste simply like field peas. The macaroni-and-cheese is respectable; again, like the country-fried-steak, surprisingly light but with enough sharpness and bight to take notice. The food is not intended to soar or overwhelm, it succeeds because the food arrives quickly, and appears that someone in the kitchen took time to care about how it was presented to you. The service staff is friendly, many of the waitresses claim kin to the chef, Joe Britt (a Moe’s Grapevine alumnus), or the owners, the McCarthy’s. They are not professionals, or short-timers, they are something better: that is to say, they care about the product. You should too.

- Rev. Fat Back

Rev. Fat Back is an author, diplomat, and law student who really digs on slow-cooked swine and other Southern cooking. When he isn’t studying the Rule Against Perpetuities, Rev. Fat Back extols the virtues of slow food and proselytizes about Southern barbecue. At risk of violating our oath of anonymity, check out his contribution to the gospel, Holy Smoke: The Big Book of North Carolina Barbecue, at http://uncpress.unc.edu/HolySmoke/index.html

I was having a perfectly fine Monday morning until Frodo forwarded me this breaking news.  Julia's German Stammtisch has set their Oktoberfest for this weekend.  It is going to be Saturday from 5:00 p.m. and continuing until they run out of cold, refreshing märzen lagers and the tastiest schnitzel I've ever enjoyed.  Can you expect to see lederhosen?  You bet.  So why did this news wreck my Monday, you ask?  Because I will not fly back into Columbia until late Saturday night, all but ensuring I will not arrive until you savvy Columbia foodies have already downed all the festive beer and tasty delights Julia is preparing for us.  Go and support a true Columbia gem this weekend and embrace Oktoberfest - Prost!

1441 Main Cafe - 1441 Main St.

Posted by The LunchMen Friday, September 17, 2010 2 comments

The first time I ate at Gotham Bagel, I walked out and remarked “I wonder what will be in that space next.”  Some restaurants are doomed from the outset.  1441 Main Cafe is one of those restaurants.  Even the décor (or lack thereof) says, “we’re just passing through” – which is especially disappointing given the dramatic facelift given to the 1441 Main St. building.  After losing their major law firm tenant, who moved up the street to keep up with the Joneses, the building’s lobby and exterior were renovated with great success.  The Lunchmen were particularly excited to learn there would be space dedicated to a lunch counter.  Excited no more. 

This morning started with Tank and I ruminating about yesterday’s trip to the Greek Festival and planning our return for today.  All the talk about food, prompted us to head out in search of a morning snack.  I hate Starbucks.  Tank has a strange relationship with their scones.  I initially refused to go, but absent a nearby alternative, I relented.  We set out on foot complaining about our terrible office coffee and the lack of a local coffee shop within walking distance of the office.  A half block from Starbucks we noticed 1441 Main and called an audible.  Tank remarked, “I’ll always forego the familiar to try something new.”  Editors Note: Mrs. Tank, that sentiment only applies to food.

The vibe was immediately suspicious, as the only patrons were a couple of odd-ball septuagenarians feeding cream cheese to their tiny dog and a security guard sitting next to an empty stroller.  Draw your own conclusions.  We pressed on, and were half-heartedly greeted by the woman behind the counter while the other employee slammed boxes and clanked containers in some bizarre, discourteous anti-symphony.   Tank and I were intrigued by the menu’s breadth, which included a plethora of pastries, biscuits and gravy and other breakfast sandwiches.  A skeptical Tank muttered that such ambition on a new menu was reckless.  Boy, was he right.

I went bold with the biscuits and gravy.  The cardboard box and steel pan anti-composer said to her co-worker, as if we couldn’t hear, “I think we have some gravy, but it is probably old.”  To my amazement, she still pulled out the saran wrapped container of gravy to prepare my breakfast, before I protested and asked for the bagel instead.  Lets stop here for a moment.  Restaurant owners, employees, and other human beings: if you ever have to even think the phrase “it is probably old” – you should tell the customer you are out of the questionable food item.  Don’t play with me at breakfast.  I will come after you if you poison me with rotten gravy.

Tank, our resident scone aficionado, selected one of their three flavor offerings and we both grabbed small cups of Dunkin Donuts coffee from the dispenser.  Upon returning our respective offices, we chowed down.  My bagel, barely toasted, stale and bready, required copious amounts of cream cheese to even be edible.  Kali appeared in my door just in time to hear me proclaim it the worst bagel I’ve ever consumed.  Seriously.  I’ve had month-old grocery store bagels better than this.  Just as I finished lambasting the place, Tank comes running down the hall screaming, “that is the worst scone I’ve ever had.”  This is a first – we’ve never had two “worsts” from a single dining experience.  Tank noted that the microwaved scone had been reduced to dough in the middle and couldn’t hold a candle to Starbucks.    

Welcome to the Boo List 1441 Main Cafe.  I can’t even bring myself to try your lunch, which we noticed included refrigerated sandwiches done gas station style.  Maybe you should poach one of the ladies from The Lunch Box to see if their experience can save your fledgling restaurant... otherwise, good luck in your future endeavors.

- The Publican

Cock n Bull is now open for lunch at 326 S. Edisto Avenue, the corner of Rosewood & S. Edisto.  Rumor is that they are yet to obtain a beer & liquor license, so remember to BYOB.  Too bad Cock n Bull got mixed up in the bureaucracy or they might be running away with the wing poll...

In other news, a truly bold call would be to head over to the Cock n Bull for a little BYOB pre-tailgating.  The new location is conveniently only 1.5 miles from the Williams-Brice Stadium.

GREEK FEST: Corner of Calhoun & Sumter

Posted by The LunchMen Thursday, September 16, 2010 0 comments


If you are new to Columbia, or if you reside under a rock, then you may not know that this is one of the best weeks of the year to live in the Midlands.  Right now, the 24th Annual Greek Festival is underway, featuring live music, art, shops, and delicious Greek food.  Today, Spoony and two of her friends met us for lunch at the festival.  Dr. Phil, the Queen of Frozen Cuisine's better half, drove in and joined us as well. It can be hard to keep a big group together in the throng of GreekFest; we lost Dr. Phil and the Queen for a while, as they decided to sit next to the jammin' Greek band.  Good call, because they also had a big fan cooling them off as they enjoyed their tasty, although hurriedly made, gyros.  They are not the best gyros in town (Hunter Gatherer and Greek Boys' gyros are preferred by the Queen), but they certainly are festive.


I could tell you what to eat at GreekFest, because I go several times every year, but seriously, you should try to eat as much of it as you can.  Today, I had pastichio for lunch, a meat pasta covered with a bake layer of fluffy bechamel.  The plates, which you get in the building rather than outside at the tents, come with Greek salad, spanikopita (spinach and feta cheese in phyllo), and a roll. When I go back tomorrow for lunch, I'll get something different - maybe Greek chicken; when I go Saturday before the game, I'll get something else, etc.  Its all good at GreekFest.


Spoony and The Publican shared a plate of pastichia, and they also had a plate of keftedes.  Keftedes are delicious Greek meatballs.  They are served with a bright, lemon sauce over a bed of noodles.  Now that I've had a chance to think about it, I'll probably tackle a plate of these tomorrow.  


The player's play, however, it is quickly follow these dishes up with some Loukoumades (Greek donuts fried right in front of you) or some delicious Greek pastry before your stomach realizes that you are full.  Don't pass up on enjoying the baking skills of these fine ladies, you'll regret it if you don't take some home to enjoy later.  Support the local festivities, my friends, and embrace GreekFest this week!

- Tank 

BREAKING NEWS: Gotham Bagel Closes its Doors

Posted by The LunchMen Tuesday, September 14, 2010 3 comments



Thanks to the wonderful world of social media, the Lunchmen just learned that Gotham Bagel, located on the 1500 block of Main Street, is closing its doors for good.



As the picture shows, however, the folks at Gotham plan to be back, though in what capacity remains to be seen. Stay tuned for updates on plans for the space that has now hosted a few unsuccessful culinary ventures...

As I type this, a single, giant tear is streaking down my face (or at least should be streaking down my face) as I recall the details and the frustration, shock, and disappointment of what is certainly the worst lunch I've had in recent memory.

Mrs. Tank works on the 1300 block of Main St.  From time to time, she will call and suggest that we go some place near her office to grab a quick bite for lunch.  She is a fan of Chic-Fil-A salads, but I am constantly trying to mix things up and try something new.  On this occasion, I made the colossal error of suggesting Atlanta Bread Company over Chic-Fil-A.

As we approached Atlanta Bread Company, I noticed a sign out front advertising a Peppadew Roast Beef and Brie panini.  I've said it before - if a restaurant thinks something is good enough to warrant a giant sign out front, I'm going to give it a try and allow them to either impress or disappoint me on that dish.  Mrs. Tank has a go-to order at ABC since she visits it on rare occasions; she gets the chicken salad sandwich with chips and a pickle spear.  Since the idea of chips and a pickle spear bores me, I opted for their roasted black bean and corn salad as my side.  I doubt I could have known that disaster was lurking with a meal that, conceptually, had some promise.

Things took a downturn before our food was even prepared.  As I often do, I poured a glass of 3/4 unsweet tea and 1/4 sweet tea - my only drink at lunch besides water or the occasional beer.  The first sip of tea tasted like feet, and it left a lingering, filmy taste in my mouth.  I don't know if they were using some incredibly boo tea product there or if the tea was brewed in ages past, but the drink was so bad I had to dump it out in the bathroom after Mrs. Tank confirmed it was wrong on every level.  How is it even possible to mess up tea?


When our food was prepared, ABC apparently decided that I needed potato salad instead of the roasted black bean and corn salad I ordered.  I took the food back up and swapped out my side.  Maybe I should have just kept the potato salad.  The "roasted" salad was cold, sweeter than a slice of cake, and drowning in what I believe was some type of vinegar product.  However, the real problem was my sandwich.  I paid top-ABC sandwich price for this new "special" Peppadew sandwich.  However, it had no peppers or sauce of any kind on it.  Rather, it merely had tough roast beef and a thin slice of brie cheese cut in such a manner to ensure that I had rind in every bite.  Disgusting.

I took my food back up again, and I pointed out the absence of their lauded South African peppers (ACB claims that it continues to "search the globe for new, unique flavors to bring to its local bakery cafés").  The employee actually argued with me regarding whether my terrible $7 sandwich was supposed to have some sauce or peppers on it!  After I brandished my receipt, she took my sandwich away.  A few minutes later, the same sandwich, complete with my missing bite, was returned to me with a thousand-island-style sauce and one 3/4 inch slice of pepper on it.  Talk about over-selling and under-producing!

I'm trying to contrast the actual sandwich to the ad for it
Now, I am not a food regulation expert, and I don't know whether Regulation 61-25, Chapter 2, Section E.5 of South Carolina's DHEC restaurant regulations actually prohibits re-service of food to the same customer or not.  I do know that, even as a teenage fast-food employee, I was trained not to accept, fix, and return the same food to a customer at Chic-Fil-A.  Even if it is not a technical violation, it is disturbing to think that someone was handling the food I had already began to eat and then gave it back to me.  Apparently, that is how they roll at Atlanta Bread Company.  When that same, terrible sandwich - already drenched in butter and pressed to death the first time around - was returned to me, the deal was sealed; Atlanta Bread Company bought itself a coveted place on the Boo List.

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Rabbit, Tank, and The Publican are three dudes just trying to get through the work week here in Columbia. Rabbit is a Columbia native, Tank is from Charleston, and The Publican hails from Greenville. Rabbit's favorite lunch spot is the No Name Deli on Elmwood, where you may find him putting down a grilled chicken salad and a side of vinegar pasta. The Publican usually wants to find food to cure his all-too-common hangovers. Tank claims no favorite lunch spot - he lives for the thrill of the hunt.

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