COLUMBIA'S LUNCH REVIEW

I want to make something perfectly clear from the beginning of this article - If I was not duty-bound to reflect the opinions of my fellow Lunchmen in my posts, El Burrito would easily be the latest addition to the Boo List. I understand that many Columbia residents hold El Burrito in high esteem. For years, I have tried to give El Burrito chance after chance to win me over. I am finished with trying.

Many folks try to persuade me to like El Burrito by appealing to the fact that I like restaurants that use fresh, local ingredients in their fare. I'm told that El Burrito does this, and certainly I will not dispute how fresh the food has been on most of my trips - except for the terribly acidized salsa I have had on certain late afternoon occassions. However, lets not lose the forest for the trees, people. Ingredients are simply, well, just ingredients. It does not matter if the produce was hand-picked in the Garden of Eden if the restaurant churns out food that is neither satisfying or delicious. El Burrito fails to deliver on the final product.

At some point, I've tried about everything on El Burrito's menu - basically, it consists of burritos, tacos, nachos, and beans and rice. Pretty standard taco shop stuff. Being a huge fan of, yes, black beans, I ordered some beans and rice (with the works) and a beef taco for lunch. Perhaps due to the large hippie wrap on the head of the person taking my order, I was provided an order of beans and rice and a bean taco. But hey, like I said, I like black beans.

However, when I dove in, the beans had no flavor at all. Even with the green sauce and the gratuitous serving of broken down sour cream, the dish was bland and drab. I was shocked to later learn that the beans were fresh (allegedly) rather than canned. I tasted no freshness at all. With the intent of infusing a little flavor, I added some chopped pepper and hot sauce. All this did was make my beans and rice unpalatably hot. As it included the same ingredients (except the addition of too much lettuce), suffice it to say my taco was equally depressing. It was so poorly constructed that it had to be eaten with a fork - the result of El Burrito's use of undersized, inadequate tortillas. Boooo.

My fellow Lunchmen cry "foul," alleging that I simply ordered poorly. Alas, I do not make the menu at El Burrito. If they have drab, boring, underseasoned, and ill-constructed food on their menu, then I should not be blamed for ordering it. Rabbit claimed that his salad was delicious - so I used his dish as the picture for this entry. However, he readily admits that he had to spend $12 to custom build a salad to his liking. Similarly, the Publican, who is so quick to fly to the defense of El Burrito, had to customize a taco with both a hard and soft shell to add "structural integrity." El Burrito, take a trip to Charlotte, try Cabo Fish Taco, and beg them to teach you how to build a taco using proper tortillas!

To be fair, Tex and Kali were pretty satisfied with their tacos and bean salad, respectively. The only universal complaint from the Lunchmen is that the food is very overpriced for what you get from El Burrito. I can assure you that this home cook can soak and prepare some black beans, pan fry some rice, and throw the standard accoutrements together for less than $7 per serving. Moreover, my dishes would actually be properly seasoned, properly proportioned, and taste good. As far as this writer is concerned, El Burrito is an overpriced, underwhelming experience that will be avoided in the future.

- Tank